Affairs, Betrayals, Infidelities. Part One

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These are all dirty words to the “victims” and not so healthy for the perpetrators. Please withhold judgment until you have read this and thought about it.

In the ways I look at this subject, everyone is a victim.

Infidelity has all the intrigue, excitement, sexuality and pathos anyone could bear. People ask why anyone would do such a thing to their partner, regardless of their marital issues.

It may serve many purposes, yet causes huge pain beyond anyone’s imagining. It can also be a doorway to powerful change and personal growth. It can destroy relationships or make them more solid and loving.

There are so many reasons why people stray from their commitment to be monogamous. I am famous for repeating, “The brighter we are, the better our rationalizations.” We can convince ourselves of anything. And, so many of those reasons seem truly justifiable.

As crazy as it sounds, before you unzip that zipper, seek some counseling. It will slow you down. I know how powerful it is to want immediate gratification. However, an affair can ruin your life or enliven it.

You are about to embark on a journey which will eat at your self-respect (no matter how understandable your “reason.” You will be damaging your own integrity telling lies, spending time away from your partner (when you could be repairing what went wrong), spending money that belongs to your family and most painful you will realize the choices you have made that damage the quality of your work and other relationships. The worst is when you take the time to notice, you will see in the eyes and voices of your children that they have been missing you.
I will cover other thoughts around this subject, in my next writing.

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About Paula Susan

Paula Susan, MSW, LCSW, Masters in Clinical Social Work & Psychology; specialist in Trauma and Relationships since 1982. In 1991, I integrated the powerfully transformative process of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). Research demonstrates that it facilitates life-altering changes more efficiently and effectively than talk therapy alone. I teach skills such as communication and anxiety relief to improve connection with others. Over the decades, I’ve come to respect how much damage even small traumatic experiences inflict on our core beliefs about ourselves and the world around us. I consider it a privilege to help my clients understand and change what has undermined their happiness and their relationships. I do it with warmth, integrity, humor, and profound respect for those who care about the quality of this small piece of time we have on earth.www.paulasusan.com

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