Usually we don’t combine the topic of “love”and that of “standards”.
Love fulfills romantic dreams, lifts our spirit and imagination, and inspires our lives.
Standards are necessary definitions and limits meant to ensure the best quality outcome in a particular area.
Standards in love therefore, protect us so our inspired dreams don’t lead into risky or damaging situations and relationships. Protection of self is a good idea.
To manage the single focused drive of love so that it integrates within the rest of one’s life, dulls the heights of ecstasy as much as it sustains the love to last longer than a firework.
To respect and be respected as a partner instead of enfolded in clouds of idealized rapture, quiets the tone of a relationship while simultaneously setting the groundwork for commitment to a partner.
How to start managing one’s wishes in love, as well as developing trust and respect for a partner, is to establish, recognize and expect these qualities from ourselves and from a partner.
This work to create standards for our love life often opens surprise and hidden emotional pain.
To respect and trust oneself often includes facing the emotionally painful remnants within ourselves of meaningful relationships in which our partner minimized, dismissed or violated our sense of self and integrity.
When in Doubt, Pay Attention
If you feel all is not right in how you feel in your relationship, stories don’t add up, red flags pop up in the way your beloved treats other people, these are your starting points to inspect, not dismiss, rationalize, or overlook matters and hope for a good outcome.
Instead, articulate your discomfort so you and your partner are able to talk through your differences.
One possible and major difference you may discover is your and your partner’s willingness to talk directly and openly with each other about resolving matters!
Be True to Who You Are
The best case is two people are like-minded enough to have wondrous moments of partner love and ground these in respect and trust for themselves and each other.
Whatever your discoveries about your partner and the way the two of you relate, if these are rooted in your own self-respect and self-trust to make sound decisions, then you are going in the right and well-planted road!