What was the Spiritual Logic of Your Divorce?

spiritual divorce

As the practical details and transformation of your life structure from married to single, relax into a more settled and manageable arrangement, you’ll start having a little more time for reflecting on your deeper inner characteristics which guided you to divorce.

While your daily life will be much quieter and more peaceful without the arguing, tension and unhappiness of living with a partner who no longer wants to love and cooperate with you, and toward whom you may have felt similarly, divorce is also about achieving a higher level of awareness and evolution in intimately relating to another.

In what ways does your divorce decision demonstrate your elevated standard for being in a relationship?

Here are two basic areas in which your decision to divorce reflect deeper self-knowledge.

Basic Reason and Purpose for Marrying

As you may already recognize, falling in love with someone is not enough of a foundation from which a marriage can grow.  Nor is it even the only reason a person bases their choice of whom to marry.

Within each of us, memories of what we observed, were told and assumed in our growing up family, influences our definition and expectations of married life.

Many people divorcing today, grew up in families in which the purpose of marriage was to establish and maintain a household and raise children. Personal happiness was secondary to each partner doing their gender based role of household necessities.

Was the marriage you recently ended, one in which you grew to realize your standards of marital fulfillment included the unique feeling of your happiness, not only following protocols from family history or our culture’s expectations of marriage?

Collaborative Decision Making

Was the way you and your partner handled major decisions such as finances, type and location of family residence, whether and what car to own, child rearing and education priorities, mostly done along a traditional family paradigm of one partner leading the decisions on key family matters?

Possibly during the course of your marriage, each of you grew to want a partner who was able to think and talk about these matters from a point of view more equal to your own.

Then, each woke up to the fact that with a strongly traditional marital paradigm, neither of you felt equal to the other.

If part of the reason for ending your marriage is due to either expecting personal growth and contentment, and/or, preferring a collaborative manner of making choices for the couple and family, then you’ve developed your inner life beyond being in a marital paradigm which offers neither.

Congratulations on Your Growth!

 

 

 

 

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About Sherry Katz

Sherry Katz, LCSW is primarily a couples therapist who counsels partners and individuals of all adult ages, in relieving tension and unhappiness in their relationships. The spectrum of care in her practice includes recuperating from infidelity, clarifying and strengthening trust and communication, restoring and developing common ground for a relationship. Ms. Katz has a secondary practice interest in helping family members align themselves in response to caring for elderly parents, especially a parent who has Alzheimer's Disease.Old Stories, New Views Family Therapy

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